Falling in love takes courage especially after experiencing deep romantic heartbreaks. Some may even say heartbreak is one of the deepest and most scarring wounds. With that many of us, including myself, as we close past relationships and embark to explore new flames and potential relationships we enter with much more guarded hearts. Saying a subconscious and conscious narrative: “I do not want to be hurt again. I am taking this one slow.” I personally found myself further thinking “Yes, being guarded is healthy. I am being smart and cautious, which is the right adult thing to do.” However, as I thought these words something did not feel quite right.
While I took more time to contemplate this, I stumbled upon Jessie J’s song “Not My Ex” and admitted to myself that the attitude of being guarded was simply a result of being afraid. I was and still am in many ways scared to get hurt again, scared that the person I will love will leave after I gave him my all. But truthfully, I have found that being guarded is incredibly exhausting and unnatural though it may be the norm for many, reminding me of the fine distinction between what is normal vs natural.
It is okay that many of us (including myself) are scared about love but I believe it is important for us to be cautious not to live in fear for too long. Real love is meant to live in love – not fear. Only from living in and with love (starting with self-love then love for the other) can we ever have a chance to live fully. The Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran beautifully says this message in his poem on Love in the Prophet:
“ But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.”
Remember your future or current partner does not have to be like your ex, nor do you have to be like his/her ex. The story does not have to end with heartbreak. The story can have a happy and healthy ending. I believe we know that truth in the depths of us but remembering it is sometimes necessary. In this time of fear let your fear speak, comfort it then release it. With the release, fill the newly made space in your heart and mind with a deep rooting in the possibility of a completely new, heart-opening and soul-inspiring love. By doing this more often and ideally multiple times a day my individual rooting in love has been strengthened, and I hope it does for you too.
My knees quiver into new potentials of love but I am committed to walking fully, openly and beautifully knowing with such new depths that I am worth being loved and loving. In this walking (however much I shake) I will not accept less than what I deserve, for I cannot imagine living life without love.
The journey of Love if embarked on is one of the most honorable journeys, though its ways as Kahlil Gibran says are steep. When love beckons follow it for it is here to both crown and crucify you as it will also be for both your growth and pruning.
Let’s end with a song to go with this new mindset. I wish you such deep love and send you encouragement as you walk on this beautiful journey of love.
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